Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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