He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
