You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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