This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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