what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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