i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
