thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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