i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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