I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
