Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
