never play flip cup with pint glasses
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
