batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
