Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
