How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
