I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
