Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
