I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
