I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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