ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
