I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
