Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
