i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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