I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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