I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
