my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
