THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
