I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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