He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
