i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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