Plan B is the new Plan A
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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