All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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