CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
