I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
did i just pee glitter
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