My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
