my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
