i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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