he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They took my balls.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
