brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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