No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
