you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
