New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
