R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
