Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
