The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
