Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
