Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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