I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
