No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
