I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
