I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
