I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
