youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
