I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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