im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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