Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
