You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
