I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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