May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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