Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
