I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
