in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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